Frou Frou Said It Well

It's been about 4 months since I last posted, and that's a bit too long in my opinion. I've been meaning to write, or at least journal, but I haven't even done that lately. It's weird, I usually let all of the thoughts, words, revelations, etc. build up and then I try to get everything out at once. I'm not sure I like that. One of my best friends just told me that I do my best work when things build up....HA....maybe she's right, but I don't know. 

So here's my attempt to just let the thoughts flow....because I need to get them out so I can see them. This might be rough....but I like rough and raw. Because it's real.

I'm living at home...with my family, once again. How I got here, I don't know the answer. The Lord just said, "Go." The desire that was His quickly became mine. Has my return to St. Simons Island been what I expected? Nope, not in the least bit. Then again, when is life ever what I expect it to be? 

I think that's what makes it beautiful.....

When someone makes a comment about a beautiful day, I believe most of us automatically turn our attention to the window in expectation of a crystal blue sky and golden sun.....sunny with a high of 75. It's comfortable. 

But what about the day it rains? Or the week? Or when every summer afternoon has a forecast of showers? What then? Do we comment on it's beauty?

The rain isn't comfortable. It makes things difficult. Your feet get wet trying to jump over puddles, you can't see through your windshield, your hair gets frizzy, and most of the time, you just don't want to get out of bed. 

.....but there's something beautiful about the rain. 

Some really great memories came from water falling out of the sky. My first kiss was in the rain. There's just something about spontaneous dancing in downpours that makes me joyful. Rain makes mud, which makes Ultimate games more fun. What I thought would ruin my skydiving experience actually made it more breathtakingly wonderful--I was surrounded by lightening and rainbows. 

Hurricanes often make for the best surfing waves.....

So here I've found myself standing in the middle of this proverbial downpour. My hair is dripping. My make up is smeared so my eyes are now black. I can't differentiate between the raindrops and the tears. There's no point in wiping them away because I just get more soaked. I feel broken in every way. I can't breathe. I'm tired of this familiar drenching.....

I didn't expect this much rain in one day...or even in a couple months period. It can be overwhelming...physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally. It's confusing when the weatherman predicts a sunny forecast and then you walk out your front door and it's gray....or wet....or cold. It's confusing when there's confirmation in your spirit but reality is telling you something different. 

So what do you do in these times? I've found that you keep dancing. You embrace the rain. Yeah, you can be angry that your sunny-day plans our now hindered by the cloudy skies, but you accept what it is, and continue to hope and wait in eager expectation for the brighter days to come. 

The rain keeps me humble. It protects me from getting too sunburnt and keeps me coming back to the Weatherman for an update and forecast. Personally, I don't think I would depend on him so much if it were constantly sunny. Rain washes away dirt, debris, and prepares the earth for sun again. It makes the grass greener and the flowers bloom. So why is it again that we are so opposed to rain?........

At one time in my life, I did drown in those waves that the rain produced. Once you're at the point of taking in that much water, much resuscitation is needed. But, I do think it was drowning that helped me learn how to swim in the waves. Yeah, I've fallen as a result of some shakiness recently, but you know what? I didn't drown. Each time I get up more quickly. That's growth. It's encouraging to hear others confirm my growth, especially when I'm not aware of the extent of it myself. It's amazing to finally be able to see beyond the circumstances....to see that the rain is producing so much rich soil in me that I wouldn't believe it if I really saw it right now. To have a whole new perspective....it changes things. 

So....there's beauty in the rainy season---because it's producing roots that go deep, making me unmovable and unshakable. It's beautiful because it's real and rough and raw and exposing. It's beautiful because it's potential protection from possible disaster, and simply because His timing is perfect in every way. It's beautiful because, "unbeknownst to my hopelessness, God is stirring." So let me count this as joy.

It's beautiful because I'm learning how to play in the mud. 

"I'm a mess."

He told me, "messes can be beautiful."

There's beauty in the breakdown.